Pictures
by halcyondays22
Summary: Amy is trying to put her past behind her by going away for the summer. I'm incredibly unsure about this one because it's basically my sleepy thoughts but I don't know I guess it's decent? Also really short because of how unsure I am about it. I just want Amy to be happy and I'm going to attempt to write her going through that process.


As I scroll through my photos on my phone, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I never had any right to think that it was even a possibility. I latched onto someone who seemed so perfect in my eyes. All the flaws that turned others away were some of the things that kept me around. But even noticing the beauty of all that was her was not enough reason for me to think that she was mine. I was given every dead end sign but I was still looking for a loophole, a hidden trail at the end of the road that was never going to appear. There were glimmers of hope here and there, but they disappeared as quickly as they came. Confronting her about it only made things worse. She dismissed any idea that there even was or could be an "us".

That's why I had to spend the summer away. I had to clear my head. I had to push myself to try to get better. I wanted to get better and I think that realizing that, was the first step. The first step in noticing that I was starting to accept the fact that I couldn't keep playing tug-of-war with her. It was just like in elementary school. You think that you are playing along with everyone else, but sometimes there's that person who just lets go of the rope and you end up falling on your back crying out from the pain. They think it's funny because it's just a game to them and they run over to you giggling, asking you if you are ok. Of course you say 'yes' and try to laugh along, but you're embarrassed. This time I had to be the one to let go of the rope, but I wasn't laughing at all.

I'm sitting in the back of the van as I continue to look through my photo gallery. I keep hovering over the delete button. I've been doing this for weeks now and I keep saying that I will do it the next day. There has been progress though. I used to look every hour when I wasn't helping out the band, now I only glance when I'm about to go to sleep. Even when the glances were more frequent though, I still had the intentions of deleting them. I just end up getting caught up in the idea of forgetting her, and how could I do that? I want to get over her, not forget her. I know that's irrational of me considering she only lives a few blocks away, but I guess it's just the symbolism behind it that gets to me.

I've been on tour with the band for about 3 weeks now. I think Reagan must have told one of the girls what happened or at least given her an idea because she keeps giving me sympathetic looks, asking if I'm ok, and giving me compliments that I don't deserve. None of the other girls really talk to me all that much unless they want me to film something specific. To be fair, I'm not really putting in any effort to talk to them either.

I feel someone sit next to me in the van. It's Faye, the girl who keeps checking up on me. If she is trying to hide that she's looking over my shoulder, she's not doing a very good job.

"Would you like me to do it for you?" she says. (So maybe she wasn't trying to hide her snooping)

"Do what?" I reply, trying to ignore the situation entirely. But why am I? Here I've been the past three weeks trying to get rid of these pictures that are teasing me, giving me a constant reminder of something that never existed and then this girl is offering me a way out and I'm going to refuse that?

Faye looks at me with a blank stare. I sigh, "I think it's something I have to do, you know? I just can't bring myself to actually do it."

"Well, you came on this tour as a way to start over, yeah? But you haven't even ended, you're still stuck back home, back with her."

"I see you've talked to Reagan."

"She just wants what's best for you, Amy, and she doesn't think that Karma is the answer right now. I think in order for you to start over, you need to delete those pictures. Deleting the pictures isn't deleting her it's opening your eyes to what's around you rather than what, or who, you've been focusing on."

"The thing is that I know you're right. It's like my brain is sending signals for me to press delete but theres interference somewhere along the line."

"How about, you delete one picture a day and within those days you start interacting with the band more? They're curious about you, just not wanting to pry. I'm just a bit more nosy then they're willing to be." Faye has a soft smile and has her hand on my shoulder trying to reassure me that everything is going to be ok. I stay silent but nod my head in agreement. "Ok, I will count to five and then you'll close your eyes and press delete. Then we go outside with everyone else and we relax until tomorrow."

I take a deep breath.

"1" I look down at the picture "2" I close my eyes "3" Faye's arm drapes across my shoulder "4" I press the button.

"Just as I suspected, a rebel," Faye says as she nudges me jokingly. "Couldn't wait that last second, you just had to go against what we agreed."

"I'm trying this thing where I don't let anyone control me."

"I suppose you decided this a few seconds ago? You know, I like you, we're going to get a long just fine."

"Haven't we been getting along?"

"In a non-talking kind of way, yes, we have, but I have a feeling I'm about to meet a whole new Amy."


End file.
